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Let's cut the shit. When Cosmopolitan assigned me to test out their most infamous sex tip — to put a doughnut on my boyfriend's dick and then write about it — I wanted to cry and throw up on my boss and then quit and cry and throw up forever at home. Pastry and pubic hair?

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Police are investigating the possibility that the crime was linked to a black magic ritual because the body was found on the floor surrounded by several candles. According to police, the mother went shopping leaving her son in the care of her daughter. When she returned, a couple hours later, she discovered the front door locked.

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Which one looks most appetizing to you? Goat penises kind of taste like Venison. They are low in fat and calories.

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I must be in love, right? I should really hold onto this one, huh. You know that smell that lingers in the air on a hot summer day after the lawn gets moved?

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Sadly, though, romantic love often goes sour. A disgruntled male may feel justified that since he is no longer fully gruntled by the relationship, it is his birthright to go and seek connubial bliss with other women. And when his wife or girlfriend finds out, she has every reason not to feel gruntled herself.

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What makes a penis attractive? Not sure? Well, don't rely on your opinion to answer that question — science has the answer.

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When I was 12 I had an experience that changed my life. I ate an icy pole on the tram. As I happily licked the delicious lemony goodness off a stick two elderly men sat opposite me with odd looks on their faces. I suddenly felt self-conscious.

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If I donate my body to science, I wonder who might end up chewing on my penis. In cultures that do enjoy mowing down on schlong, pizzles are thought to give males sexual prowess and stamina. Pizzles are steeped in alcohol for beverages, and more commonly used in soup.

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How do you win an argument? Tell them to eat a bag of dicks. Simple as that.

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